A couple of days ago I was in a store, rushed, needing to pee & paying for a few things. A had double parked so I guessed I had to run in though I really didn’t feel like it. At. All.
I’m standing there in my tatty dress, hair standing on end, slip slops, sans make up & hoping that my sunnies were covering as much of this sight as possible. I’m entering my PIN code & stuffing my things into a packet. I didn’t see her approaching but I looked up & suddenly there was a woman standing next to me (like in my personal space) on my right. She had a huge smile on her face and she was holding a single long stemmed yellow rose. She reached out to hand me the rose “for you because you’re beautiful & this is in case you forget.”
I remember that she was short. I looked over her head & around me to see what the heck was going on. It felt like one of those moments you see on TV when you can freeze real life for a second & it was just her & I there. Everyone else around us was oblivious & just getting on with what they were doing in that moment. I looked at the guy behind the shop counter helping me for some kind of acknowledgement/help/anything really re this unfolding scene. Nothing. My brain was so muddled.
Was this a trick? What did she really want? Was this an elaborate way to get my to buy a rose? Was she trying to see my PIN number? What was going on?!?
For a few loooong seconds I didn’t say anything at all while my head tried to deal. Even though I’d left her hanging she stood firm & kept beaming at me. I’m now at that point where I’m worried I’m being rude & the silence is far beyond awkward so I accept the rose & mumble thank you. I take my goodies to leave the store & I pass her, thanking her again.
I get to the car & explain this story to A two or three times & I don’t think he gets it because I really didn’t get it.
Days on, I realised this showed me that I still hadn’t learned a lesson I thought I & was completely over: I was totally & utterly uncomfortable receiving.