Guys, from this title you’ve probably guessed that I cannot keep my hand out of my hair. I know this sounds like I’m ouchea complaining about a non issue, but this is maaaaajor for me.
It’s been going on for years now. I’ll just be sitting, watching, TV, reading, working, oh you know, blogging and my hand is c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y in my hair. I cannot stop. Next thing I’m sitting with a not-so-small pile of 100-150 (healthy!) hairs I’ve pulled out just nje. Now I know we lose dozens of hairs a day naturally anyway because of shedding but don’t get it twisted, this ain’t that…
This, friends is self sabotage.
Sometimes I make the effort to pull it out at the root. Sometimes I hack off the single strand knots. Sometimes I just snap it off at the ends because it’s tangled and annoying me in that moment (I ain’t proud ok!).
I have pretty much every hair product and tool that I want at my disposal at this point in life to be honest but I’m still like “where my Danni Bowler hair at?!”. I’m literally pulling it out of my head daily, thats where it’s at!!!
This is an illness. An addiction. I do it completely unconsciously. For hours on end. Like a reflex. Its strangely standing in the moment. And I don’t have the answers. I’ve googled. I’ve tried tucking my ends into a bun, only to fish them out durimg the course the day and I’m left with a very ,easy bun (& no the cute kind) by the end of the day. I’ve worn head wraps and doeks but my fingers seem to always fish out a few strands of hair – I start at my hairline and next thing the scarf is in my lap. I’ve recommitted to “just stop” over and over again and its never lasted more than say 7/8 hours (yes, I’m counting sleeping!). Clearly “putting my mind to it” isn’t cracking it and I’ve really, really thought about it. Could I be some kind of stress reflex/anxiety?
I know you can’t tell, but it’s left my hair a proper mess. I can feel that the ends are thin, uneven, haggard and brittle. I couldn’t even dream about doing a puff right now, my volume = 0! I know you think I’m probably exaggerating. I am deeply ashamed.
I have no one to blame but myself. I know better but I somehow just can’t do better. If my friend Danni is around she’ll usually throw me a look or smack my hand away and while I wish I could live with Danni on my should but…
I know I’m not being particularly kind to my hair.
*gathers pile of hair from desk to flush as I press ‘publish’ on this post*